Why Facebook is so terribly ‘uncool’

Where do I start?

I’m “friends” with people I’ve never met and probably never will. In fact I’m not “friends”
with relatives on Facebook but “friends” with people thousands of miles away with whom
I have never had a conversation whether it be by email, fax, carrier pigeon, smoke signals,
telephone, ‘txt msg’, sign language, eye contact, Facetime or even, would you believe,
meeting face to face in this thing we ridiculously call “real life” (“IRL” as it is occasionally
referred to as)

I put it to you, the reader, that this is collective madness.
I also put it to you that the only possible reason to stay on Facebook is,
yes you’ve guessed it, SEX. In effect, it is one big rumpy-pumpy radar
which tells you:

1) Who is up for it, and….
2) How far away they live.

You are then faced with the prospect of having to use an unusual formula to
calculate the ‘up for it-ness’ versus the distance to travel. Factors to take into
account are sanity (are they OK or are they a local version of Armin Meiwes),
value (not “for money” – that would make them sound like something an MP might
use the services of. More “is it worth my while travelling these yards/miles for what
might be a very uninteresting time?”) and seriousness of relationship (one night stand or
standing at an altar in a few years time).

If you should end up with a Bond girl or that bird off “Countdown” then you’ve
done quite well for yourself but it probably helps if you do not have a face
like an arse.

Oh dear, that’s you, me and virtually everybody on Facebook then.

P.S. By the way, your personal details are probably being snaffled by crooks
as you are having cybersand kicked in your ugly face.

P.P.S. Forgot to mention the cyberstalkers.


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